This is not a political blog

This is not one. You should not be reading my blog to get your political information. I am not a political person. I have never voted in any local, state, or national election. I have ran for two offices in my life, winning one tight race as Treasurer for the Just Say No club when I was ten years old, and losing in a land slide for Director of Assemblies as a junior in high school. With that being said, if there were an award for being the person who is the most interested in American politics without actually participating, I would win it.

This election cycle has been one of the more interesting ones in my lifetime. Not only because of the historical aspects of race and sex, but because it is all existing in a 24 hour multi-media culture. Not only can you be interested in this election, but you can be connected to it in many many ways.

I am not, nor will I be involving myself with any political party this election cycle or in the future. I am not a Democrat and I am not a Republican. I am not for any candidate at this time. I feel like I am the only person I know who is actively watching this election, and not rooting for anyone. Which grants me a very unique perspective that I feel I have to share.

Before I tell you the good and bad about the candidates I believe that it's important to note that you will be electing a senator as President of the United States. Which has only happened twice in the last 25 elections. Anyone wanna tell me who they were? John Kennedy is the easy one. And the significant one. Anyone wanna tell me the other? You're right, Warren G. Harding. Because a senator usually has a longer voting record than any other elected official they tend to make bad presidential candidates. Most senators who are elected to 6 year terms (the longest of any elected official) evolve over time, with their political ideology because they don't have the constant threat of being voted out of office. Because of this they often have contradictory votes over the years. Early in their career they are for something, and then they are in the middle, and then they are against it. I think it's just fascinating that both parties have nominated persons with traditionally un-popular occupations as candidates.

What's killing me about this election year is how vicious democrats and republicans are being toward one another. Even if you don't share someone's political ideology, can't you at least try to recognize their passion to serve? It's really easy, I'll show you how to do it. You give the benefit of the doubt to them. Believe in these people, they are politicians, but they're people first.

I will promise not to get personal or ugly. That is my promise to you. If you want personal, or ugly I'm sure you can turn to one of many news sources, or political blogs. What I will do is objectionably give you concerns about the candidate, and some kudos. Then finish up with the ridiculous things the other side is saying about them.

I wanted to put here that I'm doing this is no particular order. But that's the biggest lie in all of politics. Everything is in a particular order, by it being in that very order. So I guess what I'll say is in a very particular order.....

John McCain:

What concerns me about John McCain the most, is that he will not be able to effectively get anything done in the legislative branch. He will inherit the office at a time with a democratic dominated congress and senate, and even the people on his side of the aisle will vote against his wishes 30-50 percent of the time. While I do think a person who goes against his party time and time again is an interesting choice, he could not effectively govern in the current political climate.

Actually that's really my only glaring concern about him as a President. There are a couple of smaller issues like he's 72 years old, and a few gaffes he's made on the political trail this year. But it's no crime to be 72 years old, and who among us hasn't misspoken before?

As a president he obviously would not do a bad job. He's a very wise man. He's voted against his party as much as any politician on planet earth ever has.

The Democratic party would have you believe that he is an old geezer that coughs and wheezes, and is on his death bed. Ok that was intended to be funny, but on a serious note.... They would have us believe that he picked his Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin on the soul reason that she is a woman. I seriously doubt that. I will give him the benefit of the doubt that she's just as intelligent, independent, and captivating as he says she is. I say we all take a breath and get to know the Governor of Alaska.

Barack Obama:

Let's face it, Barack Obama is more popular than Coca Cola and Jesus right now. And that concerns me for a couple of reasons. It doesn't concern me about him the man, it concerns me about his voters. I think a lot of young people aren't too intelligent. And I think they may just be pulling the lever for Obama because their friends told them to. My only real issue with his political agenda is all of the promises that he made during his acceptance speech the other night. I guess he's been making these promises all along in one grandiose word "change". The reason that politics don't work, and America has little or no faith in their politics/politicians/congress is because that's the way it is. You cannot change America, because it has chosen to be this way.

On the positive side, I really love that he thinks he can! I really love that he's either that brilliant, ignorant, or downright silly that he thinks he, along with our help, can actually change this country. He's a fantastic speaker, and his in-experience at the national level is probably more of a positive trait than a negative one. He hasn't been in Washington long enough to be poisoned by the drinking water. He would be just as effective a leader as anyone currently in the competition. He's an integrator, and he wants to talk to Iran, which is something we've been needing to do for quite some time.

Republicans would have you believe that he's 6 to 7 years old. That he watches cartoons on Saturday morning, with a juice box in his right hand and bag of chips in his left. Also a joke, see I'm being fair and balanced. One of the most ignorant things they say about him is that he's only been in the Senate 141 working days. Which is true, but it doesn't sound as bad when you think to yourself, that they only work about 90 days a year.

I wish there were more candidates involved in the presidential election. I wish American politics were not winner take all. The reason I will not vote in this election is because no matter what I would do, were I to vote, a democrat will carry California. And when I used to live in Texas, I did not vote because a republican will carry that state so long as there is one star on the flag. There are other forms of democracy in the world where if you win a certain percent in the election, you get that percent of the government. How fair would that be?


No matter who you are voting for, or fighting against, I just wish it wouldn't be so negative. I'm not saying that you have to hug or kiss the person who is debating you at the water cooler or on the street. But just remember that they're an American too, and they're important just like you.

My only goal at the on-set of this blog was to get some of the political voices in my head out in a positive way. I don't know if I hurt, helped, or alienated some of my friends or readers. At the very least you might have learned something.

I'm certain this is the last time I will ever write about politics. So tune in next time for cock and fart jokes. Because they're coming...

I'm not just curse words

On my way to hang out with some friends the other night I was confronted by a grizzly looking African American. He was in his mid fifties and immediately my "homeless beggar" alarm was going off.

He tells me that I'm just the sort of guy that he's been looking for. I think he called me a nice young man. He was obviously trying to get into my good graces.

He explained to me that he was diabetic, and had been off of his insulin for 4 days. He said that he had recently made a decision to change his life, and had been living in a shelter. But that the shelter only lets you stay there for 6 days, then they kick you out.

At this point I felt that he was telling me the truth, but I didn't feel obligated to give him anything. I told him that I maybe had a dollar that I could spare.

I'm reaching for my dollar, when he just breaks down and starts crying. He said that he was a peace officer for 35 years, and very recently he broke his leg and was let go. He said that for the past 6 nights he had been sleeping under neath a bridge with some other transients, who he was terrified of. He was scared of them, for several reasons, but the worst reason of all is that they had been stealing his syringes and insulin shots. He told me that his mom lived in a small town about two hours away, and that a bus pass to there was $16.50. He was crying this whole time, and I saw a look of fear in his eyes, that will forever be unparalleled.

While he's telling me this, I'm opening my wallet. I'm staring at a $20 bill that could possibly save this man's life, and a one dollar bill that I'm going to give him. I've had some personal issues with diabetes and understand how dangerous it can be to be away from your insulin. Especially if you have type I diabetes, and especially if you're black.

And I don't exactly know how I knew that this guy wasn't the average bum, but he wasn't. He was a person in need. And I was a person that could help him. I've been a person in need before, and while I couldn't empathize with his situation, I could sympathize with his shame.

So I gave him the twenty, and told him to go see his mom. And at that point I was done with it. Twenty dollars is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. I was moving on with my day. And moving past this man, who I hoped was on his way to the bus station. When he tapped me on my shoulder.

As I turned around he was still in tears. He said that over the past week, he had completely lost his faith in people. He said that he had been thinking to himself that there wasn't any decent black people left, and he definitely didn't think that there were any decent white people left out there. And this big 6'4" 200 something pound man wrapped his arms around me and we had ourselves a good cry. And as I'm standing there in this strangers arms sobbing, I realize that I myself had lost some faith in humanity. I as well have been struggling to find decent people in this world.

I hope he made it, to where ever he needed to. Or that if he did not make it, that at least he has a little more faith in humanity than when I first met him. It was the best twenty dollars I never spent.

Me and Abe Lincoln

I was dreaming this crazy dream the other night... And while I'm sure this blog will not encapsulate my visions in their entirety I had to try....


I'm working at the white house during the 1860's. I was making my living as a court jester for the President of the United States. I got a tip from one his presidential aides that he was fond of "colored humor."

I said really? The president? Did he not just sign into law the emancipation proclamation? Did he not just end slavery, at least in the north? The aide told me that while publicly Abe Lincoln was being politically correct, privately he felt this way about Black people : "Why don't we just put them on a boat and send them back to Africa?"

So I spent the rest of the day trying to write a joke about black people that was politically correct enough for a President, but lewd and racist enough to make the man that held that office laugh.

I came up with one and then went to his office right away.

I said, "mr president your new proclamation is really going to suck for southern plumbers, because they're not going to get all of that extra work installing two drinking fountains now."

He looked me dead in the face and said this to me.

"I would have enjoyed it more if you said Niggar." "And then if you maybe made of fun of their big niggar lips, and danced around like one of them crazy niggars."

I said "Mr. President please!"

He recanted and told me that I needed to spice up my act a little. Like he was doing with his top hat and beard.