Dear Blog...

I can't sleep tonight blog. I'm terrified, and laying there with my eyes closed just isn't making me feel any better. So I thought I'd get up and lay it all out on the line for you, you always know what to say to make me feel better.

I haven't felt the scorn of the bitter economy yet. I say yet because I know, as a logical man that it is coming. I fear not that I will be laid off, but that it will be much worse than that. I have pretty good reason to believe that there is a scheme going on behind closed doors.

A letter from a superior at work woke me up tonight to the situation. As always us little men on the bottom are being asked to sacrifice more and more to save a company that at the best of times has always kept us down. We shall be showered with the gifts of nothingness and destitution. While those on top shall reap the reward of "saving the company."

I fear that through their actions they are trying to make us the worst of us quit, and the best of us stretch out so thinly that we shall be unseen. And it's a really crummy way to feel.

A part of me quietly dreams when I can sleep about what I would do if I were not a slave. What adventures I am missing out on, and the pitfalls of freedom. Sooner than later I'm afraid that I will find out. How desperate times can really get, and how I shall react.

You see I finally realized it tonight. They will not lay us off. They will simply not schedule us. And it's already happening. It's really quite brilliant how short sighted and greedy a massive corporation can and will be.

What will become of me blog? Where will I sleep and eat? How will I keep the lights on, and maintain you?

A part of me knows what I'm capable of. If I had to rob, murder or kidnap ... well let's not finish that sentence.

I'm so sick of my chains. I keep dreaming of a little creek somewhere in the middle of a beautiful valley. A place where there aren't any walls to attach these shackles. Somewhere where people help each other. A place just to be. Whatever you are. Full of smiles and hope.

Smiles and hope. Those were the days. Thanks blog, I feel a little better.

A Piano Beat

So I made a drum track that was speaking to me.

Then I decided to bust out the concert piano synthesizer.

And I thought it was so cool I made this movie.

Enjoy.

My Brother

I know it's a little late for Halloween pics. But my brother was a nun this year, and I just found some of his pictures, and they won't really do him justice, but check em out.... he is too funny.

We naturally do it.

I'm sick of that word. Why do I say it? I'm sick of a lot of words. I'm so sick of the word sick right now.

I'm so ailing, bedridden, broken down, confined, debilitated, declining, defective, diseased, frail, ill, impaired, indisposed, laid-up, and wobbly of the word.

Here's some other words and why I hate them.

Naturally - I actually love the word naturally. I just don't like how there aren't other ways to say it. Most people use it. If you didn't say it people would ask you..."do you mean like....naturally?"

"that's how he naturally does it?"

So instead of replacing it with another word, I'm thinking about replacing it with some short gibes which are more my style than quips:

"And so just like all the other blood sucking maggots he drank the blood."

"And like all busy beavers, her shit was for sale."

"And so it came to him as if it were something out of nature. Yes indeed like something that was natural. And so he broke it."

How about those things that you say, that you don't even know what they mean? They're like social cues that somehow shoot without warning out of your mouth.

Things like the phrase loud and clear.

"How well can you hear me?"

"Oh I hear you LOUD_N_CLEAR"

We even change the way we talk to say things like that. To a more kind of guy in a fire station yell. "LOUD N CLEAR"

Have you ever really heard someone loud, or clear? No you just say that because once you actually tried to say something original in it's place. You said something else like "I hear you just fine."

You were being silly thinking that you with all of your cleverness you could even fathom how many eons of languages it took to perfect the phrase LOUD N CLEAR.

But they don't understand. They think you're not hearing them fine. They're asking people around them, "Did he say loud, woah?!? did he say.... clear?" They're waiting for a LOUD N CLEAR. And you're forced to give it to them.

Or what about that game we all play, called "How are you doing?"

Has anyone ever wanted to know how somebody else was doing? Really? Somebody that just happens to be walking down the same hallway as you. Sometimes it's not you though, it's them. They start the game. It doesn't matter who starts, you're playing now.

"Hi how are you doing?"

"I'm....doing great!"

"Oh well that's nice, Yea you know who else is doing great....me yea."

"great."

"yes and it's great you're great too."

(and then as you walk away)

"Hey, next time we're in the hallway....?"

"Oh most certainly. We must do this again."

Here's another version of "How are you doing?" This is the version that you've been down before with some really good hallway buddies in the past. The one that makes you kind of realize that things like this aren't ever meant to be.

"Hi how are you?"

"Oh hey what's going on?"

"Hey we see each other in this hallway a lot don't we?"

"Like totally!"

"Do you wanna meet in another hallway sometime?."

"YES!!!"

"Or what if? Like say, I didn't want to see you in a hallway at all? What if I wanted to see you in something that had like 4 walls and shit?"

"Yes, you could."

"Could I say hi?"

"Sure, unless unless... I say it first."

"Oh I will say it first. Because you are so cool."

"I dunno because I think you're cooler than me."

"Well we'll see who's cooler. When we (beat) hang out!"

"Oh we will. We will sooooo hang out."

"We are so hanging out."

"I don't even need your number, because I'm already going to be at your house."

"I will not be there, because I will be knocking on your door."

and then a week goes by......the two of you meet again. Neither of you has kept any of the promises from the previous engagement. Which you have to address. Because there's no secrets between hallway friends.

"Dood I have been meaning to call you."

"No it is I who has been meaning to call."

"I'm sorry, it's just that life outside of this hallway is very hard."

"I know it's hard for me too."

"You're not judging me?"

"No man, I love you."

"I love you too."

(you embrace)

"Ok so we are definitely hanging out now right?"

"I mean we just hugged in the freaking hallway man. You complete me."

"So it's on then?"

"Like Donkey Kong. I don't even know what that means, it's like Jesus just mouth raped me."

"No I say it too. It's OK."

"It is OK, to say those things sometimes. Things you don't mean."

"Sometimes those things just come out of your mouth."

"Yea, hey wow you really understand me!"

"Are we going to get like matching tattoos?"

"If we don't somehow figure out how to just inhabit the same body."

and then another week goes by.....And you still haven't talked to this person again. And when you see them, and they see you you both kind of hate yourself. And so just to be polite. You feel it's best to just tone it down. And over time not even talk anymore. Because well, you need to be able to walk down this hall way and not have a five minute conversation with everyone. And they in turn need it too.
And this time, you both try something.

You just start ignoring each other. And it's working, and it's beautiful. And it's a great place to be sometimes. And that goes on and on, until one of you brings it up.


"Yea I knew it"

"Knew what?"

"That we could be more than hallway friends."

"Oh no we could never be more than that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're some just freak I met in the hallway."

"Oh yea well hey! So are you."

"You're creepy. Talking to someone in a hallway. What is wrong with you? I could be a serial killer.

"Well are you?"

"No."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Good keep it up."

"Yeah you keep it up too."

You see you'll never be friends. And if you are, then you'll have to tell people that you met in a hallway. And then all those questions are going to start up.

"Well what were you doing? Just standing there. Cuz that doesn't make any sense."

"Yea I was just there man. And so was he."

"He was just standing there too?"

"Dood it was like destiny."



What words do you hate?

Come in touch with something new today

The human brain is a cataclysm of comfortable past experiences. You are an emergent entity, that changes overtime from the inside out. Have you really become all that you can be? Or are you stuck in a state of acceptable stress, or acceptable identity?

You are who you are only because you taught yourself to be this way. But what if I were to tell you that you could change the past by influencing your own future? You have the ability to re-wire or remap your own brain. You have an enormous potential to change your life. You only need to believe that you can do this. The first step is letting go of yourself.

It could all start today. You could start letting go of all of your baggage right now if you wanted. You feel compelled to be yourself only because you are addicted to your emotions that are chemically produced when you are.

I challenge every person who reads this message to start making the shift from "me" to "one."

Today is an opportunity that you're never going to get again. A singular point in time and space where you can start the creation of your own reality.

Do something uncomfortable today! Create something new today, get in your own face. Let go of and challenge your own morality. Step outside of that comfortable little box you've created. There is no wrong no right there is only you. You have to become it, to know what you should become.

That which we are most afraid of, is what thrills us the most.

A little song I was working on this morning

Just a little improv because I was up early...

There are a couple of weird mic pops in it, I've got to get a better mic for the house. It is what it is.

While it's not a necessity this song sounds bad-asstical in headphones.

Inspired by a conversation...

It's never a planned out thing really. You're most definitely not sitting there at work watching the seconds go by thinking about it. You're not in your car on the way home telling yourself : "OK I'm gonna shower, change my clothes, and then flip it on".

What I'm talking about is watching a porno-Esq flick on your television.

It starts out innocently enough.





You're watching that re-run of Seinfeld. The one you've seen a million times, called "Not that there's anything wrong with that." You're laughing and have a great time. Then a commercial hits, and instinctively you press the "guide" button to see what else you could be watching.



You scroll down through the endless list of nothingness that you're paying ungodly amounts of cash each month for. The commercial break is un-seemingly long and now you're down in the movie channel section.

Two words stand out to you on the screen for some reason. Fatal Attraction! You start to process what those two words mean. A curious voice in the back of your mind starts probing your frontal lobes. "Isn't there some tittys in that movie?"

And then being the good detective that you are you have to find out.

And after further examination there aren't just tittys in that movie, there are fantastic tittys in that movie.




And nobody is around. And before you know it, it's 3am. And now you're watching ....

Sex Games Cancun 3.



And no you didn't set out to do this. But you did this because you're a dirty male, with a dirty mind. And you're a slave to testosterone.