Just some small updates because I haven't posted in a while.
I went to Chico CA last weekend, and had a blast. Got to play harmonica with a few people and play guitar and sing for people in Bidwell Park for the better part of two hours. Chico is my kind of town. Everyone I met there played an instrument and drank beer. I will probably retire there one day.
After I got back from the Chico trip I went to a small kegger here in Sacramento. Where we arranged to have about 14 instruments all get together to form the largest porch band ever. I would have to say the star of the show was a lady who came by from off the street with a fiddle. She was amazing. I would have never guessed how cool a fiddle could be.
When I left that party with a buddy of mine I decided that I needed to take a shower back at my apartment. During that shower (I was pretty wasted) I slipped and fell hard. At the time I was laughing and laughing. I always laugh when I fall for some reason. Since then my left quadriceps has been pulled and it looks like I was shank ed through prison style on my back.
The next day I went and played 30 holes of disc golf and I've still got it. I was spinning Big Nasty's down the course left and right. My putting game was deadly too. I hadn't played in over a year, but I guess muscle memory is thicker than thieves.
Also I picked up that UFC Undisputed game for the XBOX 360 which is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It is teaching me Brazilian Ju Jitsu. You need to get this game and play it. Do it for yourself. Because you're dark and you like blood.
I guess this isn't much of a post, but I'm bored at work and it works for me.
Good times noodle salad.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Take 7 minutes
Having just been through a situation with a few people who I will not out here, I realized a very important part of life.
When something that was very important to you doesn't work out the way you exactly wanted it to, you need to react. If you don't then the little reptile that lives inside of you is still going to react anyway. You may as well try to get him to react on your terms, rather than his. He's got big jaws and can kill without hesitation. So you need to teach him not to over react. You need to fully come to terms with the amount of carnage he wants to do.
When you try and cage the beast in your body. He will soon turn into an angry bitter beast capable of just about anything. He will sit around and plot out schemes taking up all of your day in pensive contemplative pestilence.
Until the day you realize a little too lately that the cage can no longer contain the violent animal. So you have to grab it by it's mouth and try to fight him off. But he is already so powerful and mighty. He pins you to the floor devouring you in minutes.
And now you can't tell any bit apart. None reptilian nor human. You walk and talk and act like he and him you. And then you go on a killing spree. Maybe you don't commit murder, but you murder a relationship, friendship or social contract. Because you've become an unthinking lizard. One so confused he knows only to protect himself.
When a pile of shit could best describe the highlight of your day you need to take seven minutes. Seven minutes of havoc, consequences free. Screaming at the top of your lungs the entire time.
The beast gets tired. Too tired to fight, droopy eyed he wanders back into the box willingly and forgets all.
You're dark dummy! It's the reason you sleep. Be Dark sometimes.
-AND SCENE!
When something that was very important to you doesn't work out the way you exactly wanted it to, you need to react. If you don't then the little reptile that lives inside of you is still going to react anyway. You may as well try to get him to react on your terms, rather than his. He's got big jaws and can kill without hesitation. So you need to teach him not to over react. You need to fully come to terms with the amount of carnage he wants to do.
When you try and cage the beast in your body. He will soon turn into an angry bitter beast capable of just about anything. He will sit around and plot out schemes taking up all of your day in pensive contemplative pestilence.
Until the day you realize a little too lately that the cage can no longer contain the violent animal. So you have to grab it by it's mouth and try to fight him off. But he is already so powerful and mighty. He pins you to the floor devouring you in minutes.
And now you can't tell any bit apart. None reptilian nor human. You walk and talk and act like he and him you. And then you go on a killing spree. Maybe you don't commit murder, but you murder a relationship, friendship or social contract. Because you've become an unthinking lizard. One so confused he knows only to protect himself.
When a pile of shit could best describe the highlight of your day you need to take seven minutes. Seven minutes of havoc, consequences free. Screaming at the top of your lungs the entire time.
The beast gets tired. Too tired to fight, droopy eyed he wanders back into the box willingly and forgets all.
You're dark dummy! It's the reason you sleep. Be Dark sometimes.
-AND SCENE!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
My brand new evolving survey.
I didn't find this survey anywhere. I just made it up. In fact you need to help me create it. That's the twist on my survey. You have to add your own 8 questions to it, and pass it on. Let's see how big it can get.
1. What is something we’ll never hear you say?
I'm going to become a famous armpit model.
2. When you’re a rich famous millionaire your house will have one wacky room that a normal house wouldn’t…. what is that room?
The room of a thousand chairs.
3. Have you ever broken anything? (Promises and bones count.)
One time I signed my name on my grandmother's really expensive table. I etched it in with a pencil. She was so mad. So mad, she's probably still mad.
4. How close have you been to bearing children?
Uhhh, I've been close. I've also had a girl I was sleeping with become pregnant and keep the child. Thankfully she was sleeping with the father at the same time as me. That was such a scary time. Wondering if the child was mine. And seeing her walk around all pregnant.
5. If you could pick your parents who would they be?
Well I'd have to go with A Walrus and a Donkey. Sure I'd be ugly but I'd be hung.
6. If you could pick a celebrity best friend who would it be and what is something you and said CBF would do occasionally?
Hands down it would be Christopher Walken, and every Saturday night we would hit up a really popular dance club and have dance offs.
7. You’ve just been abducted by aliens what’s one thing you hope to get to do with them?
I hope they let me stick around long enough to do some abducting and probing of my own. If not I hope they let me steer the ship for a trip around the Milky Way.
8. The city you live in has just elected you chairman of the city renaming committee what are some possibilities you will put fourth on the ballot?
This town sucks.
Monkeyville
The Dark Hole
Move Away From This City.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok so now you have to add 8 questions to it and post it somewhere. Do it.
1. What is something we’ll never hear you say?
I'm going to become a famous armpit model.
2. When you’re a rich famous millionaire your house will have one wacky room that a normal house wouldn’t…. what is that room?
The room of a thousand chairs.
3. Have you ever broken anything? (Promises and bones count.)
One time I signed my name on my grandmother's really expensive table. I etched it in with a pencil. She was so mad. So mad, she's probably still mad.
4. How close have you been to bearing children?
Uhhh, I've been close. I've also had a girl I was sleeping with become pregnant and keep the child. Thankfully she was sleeping with the father at the same time as me. That was such a scary time. Wondering if the child was mine. And seeing her walk around all pregnant.
5. If you could pick your parents who would they be?
Well I'd have to go with A Walrus and a Donkey. Sure I'd be ugly but I'd be hung.
6. If you could pick a celebrity best friend who would it be and what is something you and said CBF would do occasionally?
Hands down it would be Christopher Walken, and every Saturday night we would hit up a really popular dance club and have dance offs.
7. You’ve just been abducted by aliens what’s one thing you hope to get to do with them?
I hope they let me stick around long enough to do some abducting and probing of my own. If not I hope they let me steer the ship for a trip around the Milky Way.
8. The city you live in has just elected you chairman of the city renaming committee what are some possibilities you will put fourth on the ballot?
This town sucks.
Monkeyville
The Dark Hole
Move Away From This City.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok so now you have to add 8 questions to it and post it somewhere. Do it.
65 Questions and some bees.
Umm I don't exactly know how to put this. I just had to leave my apartment and go get some bee spray. There was a bald face hornet the size of a humming bird and 4 yellow jackets fighting in my bathroom. The weird thing is I didn't notice them until after I was done taking a piss. I've never been so scared in my entire life. I just hosed my entire bathroom down with Wasp and Hornet spray. That stuff kills quickly. In fact I'm feeling a little faint myself. I'm sure it will pass.
Two lovely ladies wanted me to do this survey so while I'm waiting for the slightly weird embrace of bee spray high to wear off, I will indulge them.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My chest, it's really easy to reach.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
It's dark blue and it says ANALOG on the front. I look like a thug in it.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
If I could even remember who that was, I bet I wouldn't.
4. Do you plan outfits?
No men can't be slowed down by such things.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I am feeling a little proud of myself for killing the bees. I was actually going to hit the hornet with a shoe. I had it in my hand for about five minutes just staring at that thing in the eyes. I'm so glad I decided to go buy chemicals. I would have probably missed him and been stung and bitten.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
A small capsule of Old Spice.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having:
My last dream was totally nut-tacular. However the details are escaping me. When I remember one part I forget another. I think it has to do with dreams existing in the frontal lobes and consciousness existing in the rear.
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Do giant bees count?
9. What are you craving right now?
A shower. Where I will almost certainly be washing my chest first.
10. Do you floss daily?
That's kind of personal.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Cabbage Patch Kids trading cards.
12. Are you emotional?
I am. Yes I am, and if feels good to admit it. *Gets teary*
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
I usually fall asleep around 187.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I bite into but only after trying my best just to lick it. It happens every time, but usually it tastes so good that licking it just doesn't seem to do it for me. Neither does biting. I don't exactly know what I want to do with the ice cream, maybe make out with it, or cover myself in it.
15. Do you like your hair?
I have great hair.
16. Do you like yourself?
Yes but I'm starting to hate a few of my bad habits.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Yes he likes sports and so do I. I would love to watch a ballgame with him at hooters.
18. What are you listening to right now?
My new dirty little secret : Death Cab for Cutie. I'm trying to learn how to play soul meets body on guitar.
19. Are your parents strict?
No. Two of most genuinely laid back individuals you'd ever have to pleasure to meet.
20. Would you go sky diving?
I would need to be pushed and shoved out of the plane, but yea lets do this!
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Nope. But dogs do.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yes and I'll drop those names now. Robert Duval, Sheryl Crow, Lance Armstrong, George Lopez, Arnold Schwarzneger, Dick Cheney, The lead singer of the Kaiser Cheifs, George Thurgood, and my personal favorite moment of all time was smoking a cigarette with Forrest Whitaker.
23. Do you rent movies often?
Can't say that I do.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
The sunlight is hitting the back of a DVDR just right, and yes it is actually sparkling.
25. How many countries have you visited?
4-5
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
It used to be one of my favorite things to do. Why did I ever stop? Oh yea...caller ID
27. Ever been on a train?
Yup but only at mueseums and stuff never one that was taking me anywhere. I've always thought it would be cool to go around the country on a train though.
28. Brown or white eggs?
Whatever you're making.
29.Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes I do. And we're in love.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Not really. Only when my lips are so apparently chapped that they're bleeding. Ok that was a joke, but you get what I mean.
31. Do you own a gun?
Nope but I've got it all picked out. I want a .44 caliber.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yea but only to drum on the salt and pepper shakers.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My good buddy Mike and his family.
34. Are you too forgiving?
Nope I am just the perfect amount of forgiving.
35. Ever been in love?
Probably not. That sucks I know, but I'm being honest.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
He's in Amsterdam right now. Probably sight seeing.
37. Ever have cream puffs?
I don't exactly know what that is.
38. Last time you cried?
When I got dropped off at the airport by my Mom last month.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"Who else has been working on this computer?"
40. Favorite time of the year?
I'm a fally. Football and girls in sweaters. And football and cold rain, and muddy football.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
I have two tattoos. A famous stick figure on my left shoulder, and the theatre masks on my right shoulder blade.
42. Are you sarcastic?
Nooooooo, I'm not.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yes. What a great movie! Seriously Amelia watch it!
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Yea they're sneaky.
45. Favorite color?
Blue
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes but she asked me to.
47. Is your hair curly?
No it's pretty straight.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Well I just downloaded Death Cab for Cutie's entire discography, so we'll go with that. I haven't payed for a cd since 2002. It was probably Chevelle's self titled album.
49. Do looks matter?
I'm starting to think that they don't. And I'm finding myself more and more addicted to chubby women than I'm frankly comfortable with.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yea but I'd rather not.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I don't gab on it a lot during non free times, so nope. And I gots millions of roll over minutes.
52. Do you like your life right now?
I want to change it so badly. I'm stuck. If you're reading this, rescue me!
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Yes I have to.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Yea I can, but I'm better at hiding from it, or running from it.
55. Do you have good vision?
20/10 baby.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I don't know how many Arabs are there? That made me laugh so hard. You laughed to admit it.
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
With the right person I can talk for a very very long time.
58. The last person you held hands with?
???
59. What are you wearing?
Jeans and a red shirt.
60.What is your favorite animal?
I like cats and dogs and humans.
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
In my bathroom.
62. Can you hula hoop?
The last time I tried I was pretty good. With all of the dancing I've been doing I'm getting better at hip eye cordination. I bet I could kill a hula hoop right now.
63. Do you have a job?
Yes I do. I work for Presentation Services. I've been there going on four years now. I think they're poisoning the water, I usually quit jobs after about two months.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Raid Wasp and Hornet death in a can.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Have I? *smiles*
Two lovely ladies wanted me to do this survey so while I'm waiting for the slightly weird embrace of bee spray high to wear off, I will indulge them.
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My chest, it's really easy to reach.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
It's dark blue and it says ANALOG on the front. I look like a thug in it.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
If I could even remember who that was, I bet I wouldn't.
4. Do you plan outfits?
No men can't be slowed down by such things.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
I am feeling a little proud of myself for killing the bees. I was actually going to hit the hornet with a shoe. I had it in my hand for about five minutes just staring at that thing in the eyes. I'm so glad I decided to go buy chemicals. I would have probably missed him and been stung and bitten.
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
A small capsule of Old Spice.
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having:
My last dream was totally nut-tacular. However the details are escaping me. When I remember one part I forget another. I think it has to do with dreams existing in the frontal lobes and consciousness existing in the rear.
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
Do giant bees count?
9. What are you craving right now?
A shower. Where I will almost certainly be washing my chest first.
10. Do you floss daily?
That's kind of personal.
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Cabbage Patch Kids trading cards.
12. Are you emotional?
I am. Yes I am, and if feels good to admit it. *Gets teary*
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
I usually fall asleep around 187.
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
I bite into but only after trying my best just to lick it. It happens every time, but usually it tastes so good that licking it just doesn't seem to do it for me. Neither does biting. I don't exactly know what I want to do with the ice cream, maybe make out with it, or cover myself in it.
15. Do you like your hair?
I have great hair.
16. Do you like yourself?
Yes but I'm starting to hate a few of my bad habits.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Yes he likes sports and so do I. I would love to watch a ballgame with him at hooters.
18. What are you listening to right now?
My new dirty little secret : Death Cab for Cutie. I'm trying to learn how to play soul meets body on guitar.
19. Are your parents strict?
No. Two of most genuinely laid back individuals you'd ever have to pleasure to meet.
20. Would you go sky diving?
I would need to be pushed and shoved out of the plane, but yea lets do this!
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Nope. But dogs do.
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yes and I'll drop those names now. Robert Duval, Sheryl Crow, Lance Armstrong, George Lopez, Arnold Schwarzneger, Dick Cheney, The lead singer of the Kaiser Cheifs, George Thurgood, and my personal favorite moment of all time was smoking a cigarette with Forrest Whitaker.
23. Do you rent movies often?
Can't say that I do.
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
The sunlight is hitting the back of a DVDR just right, and yes it is actually sparkling.
25. How many countries have you visited?
4-5
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
It used to be one of my favorite things to do. Why did I ever stop? Oh yea...caller ID
27. Ever been on a train?
Yup but only at mueseums and stuff never one that was taking me anywhere. I've always thought it would be cool to go around the country on a train though.
28. Brown or white eggs?
Whatever you're making.
29.Do you have a cell-phone?
Yes I do. And we're in love.
30. Do you use chap stick?
Not really. Only when my lips are so apparently chapped that they're bleeding. Ok that was a joke, but you get what I mean.
31. Do you own a gun?
Nope but I've got it all picked out. I want a .44 caliber.
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yea but only to drum on the salt and pepper shakers.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My good buddy Mike and his family.
34. Are you too forgiving?
Nope I am just the perfect amount of forgiving.
35. Ever been in love?
Probably not. That sucks I know, but I'm being honest.
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
He's in Amsterdam right now. Probably sight seeing.
37. Ever have cream puffs?
I don't exactly know what that is.
38. Last time you cried?
When I got dropped off at the airport by my Mom last month.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"Who else has been working on this computer?"
40. Favorite time of the year?
I'm a fally. Football and girls in sweaters. And football and cold rain, and muddy football.
41. Do you have any tattoos?
I have two tattoos. A famous stick figure on my left shoulder, and the theatre masks on my right shoulder blade.
42. Are you sarcastic?
Nooooooo, I'm not.
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yes. What a great movie! Seriously Amelia watch it!
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Yea they're sneaky.
45. Favorite color?
Blue
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes but she asked me to.
47. Is your hair curly?
No it's pretty straight.
48. What was the last CD you bought?
Well I just downloaded Death Cab for Cutie's entire discography, so we'll go with that. I haven't payed for a cd since 2002. It was probably Chevelle's self titled album.
49. Do looks matter?
I'm starting to think that they don't. And I'm finding myself more and more addicted to chubby women than I'm frankly comfortable with.
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Yea but I'd rather not.
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
I don't gab on it a lot during non free times, so nope. And I gots millions of roll over minutes.
52. Do you like your life right now?
I want to change it so badly. I'm stuck. If you're reading this, rescue me!
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Yes I have to.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Yea I can, but I'm better at hiding from it, or running from it.
55. Do you have good vision?
20/10 baby.
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I don't know how many Arabs are there? That made me laugh so hard. You laughed to admit it.
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
With the right person I can talk for a very very long time.
58. The last person you held hands with?
???
59. What are you wearing?
Jeans and a red shirt.
60.What is your favorite animal?
I like cats and dogs and humans.
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
In my bathroom.
62. Can you hula hoop?
The last time I tried I was pretty good. With all of the dancing I've been doing I'm getting better at hip eye cordination. I bet I could kill a hula hoop right now.
63. Do you have a job?
Yes I do. I work for Presentation Services. I've been there going on four years now. I think they're poisoning the water, I usually quit jobs after about two months.
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Raid Wasp and Hornet death in a can.
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Have I? *smiles*
Friday, April 24, 2009
My Problems with 9/11
I am not a conspiracy nut. I swear to God I am not. But I have a few problems with the official story of what took place on September 11, 2001. And here they are.
There have only been 3 sky scrapers that have ever collapsed from a fire. They are World Trade Center Towers 1, 2, and 7.
There have been hundreds of sky scrapers that have been on fire over the years. And none of them have ever collapsed. Some of them have even burned for six to seven times longer than the Twin Towers did, and they did not collapse. And they were not constructed as well as the Twin Towers.
My second problem with the official story is 9 of the 19 hijackers are still alive! This has been verified by several news agencies as well as the governments of Saudi Arabia and The United Kingdom.
How could 9 of them still be alive, unless....they were never in the planes.
My third problem with the official story is the fact that the particular type of Steel used to construct the towers, which has a melting point around 3000 degrees Fahrenheit is supposed to have been melted by Jet fuel which only burns at 1100 degrees. And it only burns that hot when the fuel level is constant. You can see most of the Jet Fuel shoot out of the side of the towers on impact. How could something that doesn't burn hot enough to melt something else, in fact melt it?
My fourth and final problem with the official story is this. There has never been one shred or inkling of evidence that ties the crimes that took place on 9/11 to anybody. Especially not Osama Bin Laden. Or a covert organization called "The Base" which when translated in Arabic comes out "Al Qaeda."
There are thousands of other incredibly false statements in the official 9/11 commission report. But these four prove beyond any doubt in my mind at least that the story we have been forced to believe is not true.
What does anybody else think? It's OK to think, and to question your government.
There have only been 3 sky scrapers that have ever collapsed from a fire. They are World Trade Center Towers 1, 2, and 7.
There have been hundreds of sky scrapers that have been on fire over the years. And none of them have ever collapsed. Some of them have even burned for six to seven times longer than the Twin Towers did, and they did not collapse. And they were not constructed as well as the Twin Towers.
My second problem with the official story is 9 of the 19 hijackers are still alive! This has been verified by several news agencies as well as the governments of Saudi Arabia and The United Kingdom.
How could 9 of them still be alive, unless....they were never in the planes.
My third problem with the official story is the fact that the particular type of Steel used to construct the towers, which has a melting point around 3000 degrees Fahrenheit is supposed to have been melted by Jet fuel which only burns at 1100 degrees. And it only burns that hot when the fuel level is constant. You can see most of the Jet Fuel shoot out of the side of the towers on impact. How could something that doesn't burn hot enough to melt something else, in fact melt it?
My fourth and final problem with the official story is this. There has never been one shred or inkling of evidence that ties the crimes that took place on 9/11 to anybody. Especially not Osama Bin Laden. Or a covert organization called "The Base" which when translated in Arabic comes out "Al Qaeda."
There are thousands of other incredibly false statements in the official 9/11 commission report. But these four prove beyond any doubt in my mind at least that the story we have been forced to believe is not true.
What does anybody else think? It's OK to think, and to question your government.
Monday, March 30, 2009
My night with Gob Bluth
If you don't know by now, I'm an Audio Video Technician. And if you don't know what that is picture a monkey in your mind. Shave that monkey and dress him in a suit, and that's me.
So tonight I'm helping out this Magician. All I am supposed to do is hook his little musical device into my sound system. No big deal right? Well his little box called an Mp3 Tech made by a company called Wireless Wizards, doesn't work.
It's a shame too because this device allows him to attach a little wireless remote control to his ankles and wrists, and they all control this little box that plays all of his sound effects across the room. It's a great idea too, because only the Magician can know for sure when to do the effect; so why shouldn't he be the one making it happen?
It's kaput. We call tech support, and everything but we can't get one in time for the show. So I ask him what the backup plan is. And he tells me, "Cash the check and run."
He thought about it for a moment, and decided against that plan. So what he made me do is watch his show three times in a row (three times too many), and learn all of the musical cues. Which was impossible! This mother shut your mouth had almost 100 musical cues for his act. There are entire productions of Cats, and The Producers that have less cues.
And as I'm watching his act I'm learning why. He needs the music to cover up all of the tricks that don't work. Nothing worked! It was like watching Gob Bluth do his "illusions Michael!"
So somehow we pulled this off. It reminded me of staying up all night to do a scene with some classmates for Michael Landman's Characterization class. Somehow this guy who I had thought was a total clown on the verge of collapse, is sawing women in half, and finding people's cards. And even more surprising throughout my scribbled notes, and his laptop I was able to play all of his cues for him. Did a few of them come early? Or late? You bet your ass they did. But we made it work, like a finely tuned Directing II final. I helped this entertainer get paid.
I know for a certainty that he made at least a thousand bucks for his two hour performance. He's a C-List name that I won't drop here, to save him some face, but let's just say this guy charges a bundle.
Now I wasn't expecting a tip, but I really was. A nice fat one, wrapped in money. I just saved this show, and his reputation. And for that he slipped me a twenty. I felt like a bottom ho getting an allowance from her pimp. I was all used and wet.
So you know what I did? I just stood there. But you know what I was doing in my mind? I was urinating. All over something of his something with intrinsic vale. Like his rabbit, or his wife.
Seriously though what a bastard. I had a better shot at being the magician than the sound guy based on the amount of prep time I had. And then I somehow pull it off, and this is the thanks I get?
I don't know what I really was expecting though. I think I would have settled on a Mercedes. Maybe a Lexus.
So tonight I'm helping out this Magician. All I am supposed to do is hook his little musical device into my sound system. No big deal right? Well his little box called an Mp3 Tech made by a company called Wireless Wizards, doesn't work.
It's a shame too because this device allows him to attach a little wireless remote control to his ankles and wrists, and they all control this little box that plays all of his sound effects across the room. It's a great idea too, because only the Magician can know for sure when to do the effect; so why shouldn't he be the one making it happen?
It's kaput. We call tech support, and everything but we can't get one in time for the show. So I ask him what the backup plan is. And he tells me, "Cash the check and run."
He thought about it for a moment, and decided against that plan. So what he made me do is watch his show three times in a row (three times too many), and learn all of the musical cues. Which was impossible! This mother shut your mouth had almost 100 musical cues for his act. There are entire productions of Cats, and The Producers that have less cues.
And as I'm watching his act I'm learning why. He needs the music to cover up all of the tricks that don't work. Nothing worked! It was like watching Gob Bluth do his "illusions Michael!"
So somehow we pulled this off. It reminded me of staying up all night to do a scene with some classmates for Michael Landman's Characterization class. Somehow this guy who I had thought was a total clown on the verge of collapse, is sawing women in half, and finding people's cards. And even more surprising throughout my scribbled notes, and his laptop I was able to play all of his cues for him. Did a few of them come early? Or late? You bet your ass they did. But we made it work, like a finely tuned Directing II final. I helped this entertainer get paid.
I know for a certainty that he made at least a thousand bucks for his two hour performance. He's a C-List name that I won't drop here, to save him some face, but let's just say this guy charges a bundle.
Now I wasn't expecting a tip, but I really was. A nice fat one, wrapped in money. I just saved this show, and his reputation. And for that he slipped me a twenty. I felt like a bottom ho getting an allowance from her pimp. I was all used and wet.
So you know what I did? I just stood there. But you know what I was doing in my mind? I was urinating. All over something of his something with intrinsic vale. Like his rabbit, or his wife.
Seriously though what a bastard. I had a better shot at being the magician than the sound guy based on the amount of prep time I had. And then I somehow pull it off, and this is the thanks I get?
I don't know what I really was expecting though. I think I would have settled on a Mercedes. Maybe a Lexus.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Cannonball House
Today I forged the sweltering heat of Macon Georgia to see a Confederate War museum. Before leaving we checked the website to make sure it was going to be an official place, and not some bumpkin's back 40 with a flag on it. It appeared real enough so off we went. My step father doing the driving as my DUI is still valid even in the deep south.
After parking and finding the house, we realized that we had ran out of camera battery power. So off we went in search of some double A's. Which were very hard to find, especially since we were not natives of Macon.
Over and across many hills did we trek, until providence itself guided us to a local camera shop. Seven dollars and thirty minutes later we arrived back at our original destination.
The Cannonball House is famous and aptly named because during the Civil War two cannon balls were shot into Macon Georgia. And one rolled up into and destroyed the front of Judge Polk's house. Apparently it was rebuilt by the Daughters of the Southern Confederacy. A group who goes around to minor historical sights and fixes them up out of boredom, and their plotted escape from it. With the eventual goal of over charging yanks and lookey lous admission to poke and trod through southern antiquity.
There was nobody else around. Aside from the tour guide and my traveling companion, we were we abandoned. That should have been a tip off to the "treasures" that lie within. Only in hindsight can such a poverty of foresight be seen!
Twelve dollars and some short introductions later we began the tour. The tour guide was appropriately named Mary-Lou "A fine southern name", she said. A 76 year old woman who has been giving the unfortunate tour for unfortunately too long.
Mary Lou did her best to keep our attention and spirits high as she peddled little tidbits of a remarkably unremarkable blip in the ides of history. The house in total had 9 rooms. And was a lovely house. A giant parlor and grotesquely over sized dining room were the key features.
She spent about twenty minutes rambling on about nothing much in every room. We had slated the entire afternoon to tour most of the town of Macon. Little did we know it would take almost all of the allotted time to get through Mary Lou's speech.
She was a pleasant enough old gal. At times a younger and more focused train of thought would peer through her cobwebbed spiel. Only to be derailed by a combination of old age, and what I detected hatred at the story. A story that she herself had told thousands of times, to thousands of people.
I felt like I had to pass out at least 4 times during the tour. I made myself remain stable for Mary Lou's sake though. I didn't want to ruin this poor old woman's day, even at the expense of my very own.
I never asked my Step Father if he wanted to leave as badly as I did. But I'm sure while he was standing there next to me the same thoughts were going through his mind. Trying to figure out some polite way to leave, or hoping that one of those over-sized chandeliers would fall on her. Not that I wanted her to die, or give witness to that event. I just wanted some reason, any reason deservedly so to leave.
There was a moment a slight lapse of constitution where I caught myself day dreaming of shoving her into a small out of the way closet and running toward what was left of my day. All I could do was remain attentive and polite however. After all I have the rest of my life ahead of me. How many tours could Mary Lou really have left in her? I was supportive and attentive for her sake. Even asking questions about what she had just been saying. A technique I have picked up at work which makes people actually believe you're listening.
Finally at the end of the tour we got to the advertised War Museum room. Which was the entire reason we went all that way. It was an 8x8 foot room full of not one but two Confederate Uniforms, and three bullets. What a disappointment! What a disaster! What an afternoon!
On the way toward sunset and the car, I remarked to my traveling companion. "At least we got to meet Mary Lou." Who is by far the treasure of the Cannon Ball house. An idiosyncratic lady, on the obscure road of life.
After parking and finding the house, we realized that we had ran out of camera battery power. So off we went in search of some double A's. Which were very hard to find, especially since we were not natives of Macon.
Over and across many hills did we trek, until providence itself guided us to a local camera shop. Seven dollars and thirty minutes later we arrived back at our original destination.
The Cannonball House is famous and aptly named because during the Civil War two cannon balls were shot into Macon Georgia. And one rolled up into and destroyed the front of Judge Polk's house. Apparently it was rebuilt by the Daughters of the Southern Confederacy. A group who goes around to minor historical sights and fixes them up out of boredom, and their plotted escape from it. With the eventual goal of over charging yanks and lookey lous admission to poke and trod through southern antiquity.
There was nobody else around. Aside from the tour guide and my traveling companion, we were we abandoned. That should have been a tip off to the "treasures" that lie within. Only in hindsight can such a poverty of foresight be seen!
Twelve dollars and some short introductions later we began the tour. The tour guide was appropriately named Mary-Lou "A fine southern name", she said. A 76 year old woman who has been giving the unfortunate tour for unfortunately too long.
Mary Lou did her best to keep our attention and spirits high as she peddled little tidbits of a remarkably unremarkable blip in the ides of history. The house in total had 9 rooms. And was a lovely house. A giant parlor and grotesquely over sized dining room were the key features.
She spent about twenty minutes rambling on about nothing much in every room. We had slated the entire afternoon to tour most of the town of Macon. Little did we know it would take almost all of the allotted time to get through Mary Lou's speech.
She was a pleasant enough old gal. At times a younger and more focused train of thought would peer through her cobwebbed spiel. Only to be derailed by a combination of old age, and what I detected hatred at the story. A story that she herself had told thousands of times, to thousands of people.
I felt like I had to pass out at least 4 times during the tour. I made myself remain stable for Mary Lou's sake though. I didn't want to ruin this poor old woman's day, even at the expense of my very own.
I never asked my Step Father if he wanted to leave as badly as I did. But I'm sure while he was standing there next to me the same thoughts were going through his mind. Trying to figure out some polite way to leave, or hoping that one of those over-sized chandeliers would fall on her. Not that I wanted her to die, or give witness to that event. I just wanted some reason, any reason deservedly so to leave.
There was a moment a slight lapse of constitution where I caught myself day dreaming of shoving her into a small out of the way closet and running toward what was left of my day. All I could do was remain attentive and polite however. After all I have the rest of my life ahead of me. How many tours could Mary Lou really have left in her? I was supportive and attentive for her sake. Even asking questions about what she had just been saying. A technique I have picked up at work which makes people actually believe you're listening.
Finally at the end of the tour we got to the advertised War Museum room. Which was the entire reason we went all that way. It was an 8x8 foot room full of not one but two Confederate Uniforms, and three bullets. What a disappointment! What a disaster! What an afternoon!
On the way toward sunset and the car, I remarked to my traveling companion. "At least we got to meet Mary Lou." Who is by far the treasure of the Cannon Ball house. An idiosyncratic lady, on the obscure road of life.
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