We naturally do it.

I'm sick of that word. Why do I say it? I'm sick of a lot of words. I'm so sick of the word sick right now.

I'm so ailing, bedridden, broken down, confined, debilitated, declining, defective, diseased, frail, ill, impaired, indisposed, laid-up, and wobbly of the word.

Here's some other words and why I hate them.

Naturally - I actually love the word naturally. I just don't like how there aren't other ways to say it. Most people use it. If you didn't say it people would ask you..."do you mean like....naturally?"

"that's how he naturally does it?"

So instead of replacing it with another word, I'm thinking about replacing it with some short gibes which are more my style than quips:

"And so just like all the other blood sucking maggots he drank the blood."

"And like all busy beavers, her shit was for sale."

"And so it came to him as if it were something out of nature. Yes indeed like something that was natural. And so he broke it."

How about those things that you say, that you don't even know what they mean? They're like social cues that somehow shoot without warning out of your mouth.

Things like the phrase loud and clear.

"How well can you hear me?"

"Oh I hear you LOUD_N_CLEAR"

We even change the way we talk to say things like that. To a more kind of guy in a fire station yell. "LOUD N CLEAR"

Have you ever really heard someone loud, or clear? No you just say that because once you actually tried to say something original in it's place. You said something else like "I hear you just fine."

You were being silly thinking that you with all of your cleverness you could even fathom how many eons of languages it took to perfect the phrase LOUD N CLEAR.

But they don't understand. They think you're not hearing them fine. They're asking people around them, "Did he say loud, woah?!? did he say.... clear?" They're waiting for a LOUD N CLEAR. And you're forced to give it to them.

Or what about that game we all play, called "How are you doing?"

Has anyone ever wanted to know how somebody else was doing? Really? Somebody that just happens to be walking down the same hallway as you. Sometimes it's not you though, it's them. They start the game. It doesn't matter who starts, you're playing now.

"Hi how are you doing?"

"I'm....doing great!"

"Oh well that's nice, Yea you know who else is doing great....me yea."

"great."

"yes and it's great you're great too."

(and then as you walk away)

"Hey, next time we're in the hallway....?"

"Oh most certainly. We must do this again."

Here's another version of "How are you doing?" This is the version that you've been down before with some really good hallway buddies in the past. The one that makes you kind of realize that things like this aren't ever meant to be.

"Hi how are you?"

"Oh hey what's going on?"

"Hey we see each other in this hallway a lot don't we?"

"Like totally!"

"Do you wanna meet in another hallway sometime?."

"YES!!!"

"Or what if? Like say, I didn't want to see you in a hallway at all? What if I wanted to see you in something that had like 4 walls and shit?"

"Yes, you could."

"Could I say hi?"

"Sure, unless unless... I say it first."

"Oh I will say it first. Because you are so cool."

"I dunno because I think you're cooler than me."

"Well we'll see who's cooler. When we (beat) hang out!"

"Oh we will. We will sooooo hang out."

"We are so hanging out."

"I don't even need your number, because I'm already going to be at your house."

"I will not be there, because I will be knocking on your door."

and then a week goes by......the two of you meet again. Neither of you has kept any of the promises from the previous engagement. Which you have to address. Because there's no secrets between hallway friends.

"Dood I have been meaning to call you."

"No it is I who has been meaning to call."

"I'm sorry, it's just that life outside of this hallway is very hard."

"I know it's hard for me too."

"You're not judging me?"

"No man, I love you."

"I love you too."

(you embrace)

"Ok so we are definitely hanging out now right?"

"I mean we just hugged in the freaking hallway man. You complete me."

"So it's on then?"

"Like Donkey Kong. I don't even know what that means, it's like Jesus just mouth raped me."

"No I say it too. It's OK."

"It is OK, to say those things sometimes. Things you don't mean."

"Sometimes those things just come out of your mouth."

"Yea, hey wow you really understand me!"

"Are we going to get like matching tattoos?"

"If we don't somehow figure out how to just inhabit the same body."

and then another week goes by.....And you still haven't talked to this person again. And when you see them, and they see you you both kind of hate yourself. And so just to be polite. You feel it's best to just tone it down. And over time not even talk anymore. Because well, you need to be able to walk down this hall way and not have a five minute conversation with everyone. And they in turn need it too.
And this time, you both try something.

You just start ignoring each other. And it's working, and it's beautiful. And it's a great place to be sometimes. And that goes on and on, until one of you brings it up.


"Yea I knew it"

"Knew what?"

"That we could be more than hallway friends."

"Oh no we could never be more than that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're some just freak I met in the hallway."

"Oh yea well hey! So are you."

"You're creepy. Talking to someone in a hallway. What is wrong with you? I could be a serial killer.

"Well are you?"

"No."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Good keep it up."

"Yeah you keep it up too."

You see you'll never be friends. And if you are, then you'll have to tell people that you met in a hallway. And then all those questions are going to start up.

"Well what were you doing? Just standing there. Cuz that doesn't make any sense."

"Yea I was just there man. And so was he."

"He was just standing there too?"

"Dood it was like destiny."



What words do you hate?