Me and Abe Lincoln

I was dreaming this crazy dream the other night... And while I'm sure this blog will not encapsulate my visions in their entirety I had to try....


I'm working at the white house during the 1860's. I was making my living as a court jester for the President of the United States. I got a tip from one his presidential aides that he was fond of "colored humor."

I said really? The president? Did he not just sign into law the emancipation proclamation? Did he not just end slavery, at least in the north? The aide told me that while publicly Abe Lincoln was being politically correct, privately he felt this way about Black people : "Why don't we just put them on a boat and send them back to Africa?"

So I spent the rest of the day trying to write a joke about black people that was politically correct enough for a President, but lewd and racist enough to make the man that held that office laugh.

I came up with one and then went to his office right away.

I said, "mr president your new proclamation is really going to suck for southern plumbers, because they're not going to get all of that extra work installing two drinking fountains now."

He looked me dead in the face and said this to me.

"I would have enjoyed it more if you said Niggar." "And then if you maybe made of fun of their big niggar lips, and danced around like one of them crazy niggars."

I said "Mr. President please!"

He recanted and told me that I needed to spice up my act a little. Like he was doing with his top hat and beard.