If it is my destiny to teach others how to love themselves, my own experience must be what I impart. Being awesome and loving yourself is not just my message, it is also my journey. It’s a path that I can only lead others down once I know the way myself. But I know it’s real, it has to be because I’m not just selling it I am living it.
The therapeutic power of admitting the following information to a wide audience about myself cannot be measured. It is invaluable. You do not have to admit anything to the world, but when you can admit something as equally distressing to yourself as I am about to admit to you, something amazing will happen. You will take action.
Just by admitting or acknowledging to yourself, that you’re very aware what goes on, starts a process. You may not fix what needs to be fixed, but you’ll start to figure out how to do it. When you’re awesome and you love yourself you make yourself submit from exhaustion, to be who you will become. It is going to be one hell of a fight. Round one is honesty. Here is my fight:
For my entire life I have easily become addicted to things. Until recently I thought the term “addictive personality” was kind of cute and not in any way a serious condition. I thought it only applied to alcohol, drugs, and preferences. For the most part I have been aware that I get addicted to things rather quickly. What I have failed to understand is how deep it actually goes.
With my addictive personality there is no bottom. It doesn’t stop it’s just a big black hole. And it’s not just a part of me, it is me. It is me completely. I am a hole, and I am dark and bottomless. And the more that I try and fit inside of me, the larger that hole becomes.
I just thought that having an addictive personality meant that I could get addicted to things easily. Things like cigarettes and chewing gum, and watermelon jolly ranchers. What I now believe to be true about my personality is that all of it is an addiction. My addictive personality is my personality. Everything I am and do is for or at least fueled by an addiction.
When I get a mosquito bite, I scratch it. It feels so good, why wouldn’t I scratch it? And I do not stop scratching, and scratching, and after a while I bleed. The way I treat my mosquito bites could surmise the way I interact with everything.
I am a user, and an abuser. I am quite possibly fake all the way thru to my core. I am a walking talking expanding addiction. I am a two hundred and thirty two pound self deprecating demon.
I think I have just realized my largest problem. And it’s a little scary, but at least I now know what I have to fix. I don’t really know how to fix this problem, because I have been living it for so long. I have 29 years of habits to evaluate and exterminate.
Do I even do what I want to do? Do I even like the things that I crave? Who am I, and why have I been asleep for so long?
I don’t know what your biggest flaw is. You might not either. But I do know until you admit it to yourself you will never truly be in self love. So you’d better figure it out, before you destroy yourself.
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