New Blog

If anyone still comes here, I don't have a regular day to day blog, but have started one about comedy at elevacions.blogspot.com

So check it out!

Have you ever seen spiders?

For those of you who aren't aware I have a sleeping disorder. I suffer from time to time from sleep paralysis. Which is a condition where I wake up conscious; but I cannot move.

When this happens I just lay there cool as a cucumber drifting between an awake and dream state. My brain is fully active, and I can hear everything that is going on in the room I am asleep in. But at the same time I am also dreaming.

I have never had a bad sleep paralysis experience, but I have heard and read about tons of people having horrible ones. People that have this condition; often report having crazy dreams about demons sitting on their chests or about aliens coming into their bed to lay with them.

It has always been my prediction that they have these crazy dreams because they are really bothered by the fact that they cannot move, so they try to scare themselves awake. The reason that we cannot move is because when you go to sleep your body temporarily paralyzes itself so you do not try and physically act out your dreams. And in those of us who encounter sleep paralysis in our lifetimes, there is a slight chemical imbalance.

In my particular case, I'm never that bothered by the fact that I cannot move. I don't know why it doesn't bother me, but it doesn't. So I just lay there motionless, asleep and awake floating in my mind.

I would say that has been going on since 2002. And I'm not concerned about it in the least. But lately something else has been happening related to sleeping that has been making me think I'm crazy.

And tonight it happened again, so I decided to look up my symptoms on the internet and find out if anyone else was having these weird occurrences happen to them too. And now that I have read about 400 testimonials, and feel a little bit more normal, I will discuss what's been happening here.

About three hours ago, before I started reading these testimonials, I fell asleep. I woke up about fifteen minutes later, and was facing the wall. On the wall was a black orb that was moving towards me. The orb turned into a Black Spider and kept crawling toward my head. As I moved my head away, as to not get bitten, it disintegrated.

I wasn't freaked out in the least.  This has been happening for quite some time.  At least over a year, and possibly longer.  It doesn't happen every time that I wake up, but it's a fairly frequent occurrence.  Tonight was the first time that I thought I might be mentally unstable, that a spider that my mind has conjured up climbed down the wall and tried to bite me.  But now that I have been reading about so many other people that it happens to, I feel better.  We can't all be crazy can we?

I almost feel like I'm onto a mystery now.  Perhaps the most fascinating mystery that I will ever work on and the most important.  There are some interesting questions that I already have about this, and I think it's a mystery that will never be solved.  Very little is known about sleep or the inner workings of the brain.  And even if the technology caught up to the brain at some point, would it still be able to tell me why so many people, myself included, see black spiders when we wake up?  I doubt it.

There is no medical answer for the question.  That's what I have learned from the testimonials.  There are just 500 of us or so that are seeing these damned things.  Some of these people think it is a spiritual issue and not a medical one.  Which I think is plausible.  Not that I think giving my life to Jesus would make them go away, but perhaps there are some subconscious spiritual issues that I need to deal with, and until I do forever shall I see these unclean creatures.

Why are so many different people from different regions and different walks of life, seeing spiders?  It's kind of freaky to think we are all seeing the exact same thing.  And there are some people that are claiming they are seeing worse.  They are seeing small persons, and dark spirits in their room.  At least for now all I am seeing are the spiders.  It could be worse I suppose.  But I think it's a very significant clue that everyone who has this phenomenon is at least seeing spiders.

I personally think that what I'm really seeing is a black orb.  I am seeing it for the same reason that I have sleep paralysis, because there is a slight chemical imbalance between my rem cycle and awakening.  It's the exact opposite of when I'm having sleep paralysis.  Instead of not being able to move, I can move completely and open my eyes, so my paralysis is gone but in some respect I am still dreaming.

That little black orb carries over from my dream land to my awakened state.  And because of its size and shape my rational awake side of my brain thinks it must be a spider.  And then my imagination makes it act like one.  And when I completely wake up several seconds later, when my chemicals level, it disintegrates.

I hope this orb stays spider sized.  Because that's what I think these people who can see larger visions are seeing.  They just have more carry over chemical to the awakened side of their existence, so they can create larger dreams, day dreams in fact.  Real day dreams with as many characters as may exist in a sleeping dream.  Which is a terrifying, slightly provoking thought.  Because if I have learned one thing from my sleep paralysis it is this:  dreams are very frightening.  Even the best friendly dreams have their insane mind shattering moments.  Trust me the one little spider I see in the morning is enough to ruin my whole day.  But what if an entire dream that you couldn't shut off haunted your every morning?  That's a ride I'd like to take one time, maybe.  Some of these people report that it takes up to thirty seconds for their chemicals to level.  Thirty seconds in a dream is an eternity.  Sometimes when I lay there paralyzed only a minute has gone by in reality, but I could swear I've been laying there for hours. 

So that's my crazy sleep life, in general.  What's your crazy sleep life like?  What do you dream about?  Have you ever had a lucid dream?  I think we need to talk about these things.  Do you have any thoughts about why I see black spiders when I wake up?  I'd love to hear. 

An urban missile

Before you read this entry, click play on this youtube video and enjoy the sounds of Grizzly Bear.  This is a potentially life altering track, do not miss it. This video is of the movie Seven and has nothing to do with the music, aside from the fact that whomever posted this montage on youtube.com thought it went together.  



And now....that you have that playing in the background.... onto urban missiles.........




I don't know how many of you smoke.  Well that's not entirely true.  I know exactly how many of the 4 people that read this blog smoke.  But you don't blog for the blog you have.  You blog for the blog you want ;) 

Since none of you do, you might not know about throwing an atomic missile.  You see smoking turns you into a monster.  A cigarette flicking fire tossing 500 pound gorilla in the room is what you become.  Smoking cigarettes numbs your mind to the fact that they're even on fire.  You soon forget it as the addiction overtakes your common sense.  And after a while you don't even notice what you're smoking around.  Or even care for that matter, in any way. 

So here's how it goes down.  You're smoking on your father's oil rig in Houston Texas....  Two guys who have just been in gigantic oil spills come running on your position.  Without even thinking you throw your cigarette directly at the gentleman and they burst into flames....causing company ending law suits.... 

Ok it never goes down that way.  If it did you might start to care about where you toss your flaming step children.  But for some reason cigarettes, I am human enough to report, never blow stuff up. 

I don't know why they don't, but I have certainly seen enough field tests to know they will not ignite anything.  I have, with wind guided precision, flicked a lit cigarette into a carburetor this morning.  some twenty minutes ago mind you; having yet to hear an explosion.   

I have also flicked my cigarette fire starters into especially dry forests and have yet to cause damage or harm to one.  One time a lit cig fell right out of my mouth onto a wooden casket that I had just personally spilled alcohol on, and.... nothing.  Well not exactly nothing; everyone got to see me run and cover. 

I had a step grandmother who had a fire in her apartment one time when I was a child.  I'm starting to think that the adults in my life just told me a cigarette started the fire, so I wouldn't consider smoking.  

Seriously I have launched so many horrendous urban missiles that my right to smoke should be revoked.  Seriously who smokes near a paper factory on a windy day?  Who has put a cigarette out on his great grandmother's oxygen tank?  Who picks up his hair spray factory girlfriend at work chiefing?  

I do.  The smoker.  The dirty all powerful me. It's disheartening really to see every butt you toss, regardless of aim, end up in a dry leaf pile.   

Big Black Epiphany

If it is my destiny to teach others how to love themselves, my own experience must be what I impart. Being awesome and loving yourself is not just my message, it is also my journey. It’s a path that I can only lead others down once I know the way myself. But I know it’s real, it has to be because I’m not just selling it I am living it.

The therapeutic power of admitting the following information to a wide audience about myself cannot be measured. It is invaluable. You do not have to admit anything to the world, but when you can admit something as equally distressing to yourself as I am about to admit to you, something amazing will happen. You will take action.

Just by admitting or acknowledging to yourself, that you’re very aware what goes on, starts a process. You may not fix what needs to be fixed, but you’ll start to figure out how to do it. When you’re awesome and you love yourself you make yourself submit from exhaustion, to be who you will become. It is going to be one hell of a fight. Round one is honesty. Here is my fight:

For my entire life I have easily become addicted to things. Until recently I thought the term “addictive personality” was kind of cute and not in any way a serious condition. I thought it only applied to alcohol, drugs, and preferences. For the most part I have been aware that I get addicted to things rather quickly. What I have failed to understand is how deep it actually goes.

With my addictive personality there is no bottom. It doesn’t stop it’s just a big black hole. And it’s not just a part of me, it is me. It is me completely. I am a hole, and I am dark and bottomless. And the more that I try and fit inside of me, the larger that hole becomes.

I just thought that having an addictive personality meant that I could get addicted to things easily. Things like cigarettes and chewing gum, and watermelon jolly ranchers. What I now believe to be true about my personality is that all of it is an addiction. My addictive personality is my personality. Everything I am and do is for or at least fueled by an addiction.

When I get a mosquito bite, I scratch it. It feels so good, why wouldn’t I scratch it? And I do not stop scratching, and scratching, and after a while I bleed. The way I treat my mosquito bites could surmise the way I interact with everything.

I am a user, and an abuser. I am quite possibly fake all the way thru to my core. I am a walking talking expanding addiction. I am a two hundred and thirty two pound self deprecating demon.

I think I have just realized my largest problem. And it’s a little scary, but at least I now know what I have to fix. I don’t really know how to fix this problem, because I have been living it for so long. I have 29 years of habits to evaluate and exterminate.

Do I even do what I want to do? Do I even like the things that I crave? Who am I, and why have I been asleep for so long?

I don’t know what your biggest flaw is. You might not either. But I do know until you admit it to yourself you will never truly be in self love. So you’d better figure it out, before you destroy yourself.

Global Warning!

I will never ever pay a carbon tax. I owe my allegiance to the Bill of Rights and the Constitution of the United States and no other entity. A carbon tax is almost as ridiculous as the idea of global warming. And I will tell you why.

Global Warming is a hoax. If you want to know why the globe on a whole has been warming for the past 100 years you need to look to the universe. The Solar System is warming, at exactly the same rate. If our industrialized world is warming at the same rate as the uninhabited space around it, are SUV’s and carbon dioxide really to blame?

There is only one reason that the climate in the Solar System is warming, and we call it the Sun. Every 500 years solar flare activity in the nucleus of the Sun increases. We don’t exactly know why it happens, but you can set your clock to it. During the 1500’s “Global Warming” was happening too.

Carbon is not the problem. Carbon is one of the four building blocks of life! That’s what they really want to tax, is life. We cannot give the power to tax a building block of all life to any government organization. Especially not to a multi-national organization!

Taxing carbon is a slippery slope, and it’s being sold to the people of the industrialized world as a step to save planet Earth. The modern green movement is a sham set up by Eugenicists a long time ago. They do not want to save the planet, they want to enslave it.

And when I say they, I do mean a multi national organization. Call them what you will, “A New World Order” “The Bilderbergs” call them what you will. A Carbon Tax is the first step toward a one world government.

Global Warming has never ever been proved. There are several international proclamations signed by thousands and thousands of Climatologists stating this exact fact. You can find any of them out online if you know how to work a common search engine.

Despite what Al Gore wants you to believe, it’s just not scientific fact. Here is a scientific inconvenient truth however, since Al Gore launched his movie, “An Inconvenient Truth” in 2006 he has earned more than a billion dollars for himself. He sold out to the highest bidder.

Senator Harry Reid has put the Carbon Tax bill on the docket for November 15th. It has already passed in the House of Representatives, and I fear it will narrowly in the Senate too. These could be the last few frail days of what used to be a truly great independent nation.

It may in fact be time to start asking yourself some very important questions about what being an American means to you. What line would the government have to incrementally cross before you did something? I for one am considering ex patriotism. As I fear a pestilence of apathy has already suffocated the possibility of a revolution.

Please Watch this Documentary

This is Alex Jones documentary called "Fall of the Republic: The Presidency of Barack Obama"

Do I believe everything in this documentary is 100% factual? No. I certainly do not, but I think there is plenty in here you should see and disseminate for yourself. Let it swirl around your brain for a while, and draw your own conclusions or research these topics further. Don't just automatically think something is true or false, find out for yourself.

Death, loss, and nothing you can do

The cruel hand of death has been all around a lot of people in my life lately. And while it has passed over my door this time, next time I may not be so lucky. I have suddenly been asked to be a shoulder to cry on for several close friends who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. What do you say? What can you do? The answer is, nothing.

There is nothing you can do after someone is gone to show them how much you love them. That is a hard pill to swallow for anyone, but we all must. When someone is gone, that's just where they are. There are no secret bridges or passage-ways to the other side.

Lately I have been thinking if I have been preparing myself for the loss of anyone. And I really don't think that I have been. If you love someone you better go and tell them. If you haven't talked to your grandmother who raised you, or your mother in a while, you better just go and do it.

That's really the only way to deal with death. Spend your life loving those who love you, and making the most of every today. Tomorrow may never come, you might not ever get that chance you've been hoping for.

I challenge you to call everyone who is important to you right now, and tell them why they are. Don't leave things up to fate, take control.

Be awesome and love those around you. And in turn you really will be loving yourself.